Soo... Some of my friends have asked me what I said during my speech at my best friend's wedding rehearsal dinner. Here it is.
Hit it maestro: So I figured the last person in the world to stand up and give any kind of romantic advice that would actually benefit anyone including you two is me… Honestly, I’m OK with that because that’s what mommys, daddys, grandmothers and grandfathers are for. Looking at the excellent example of love from your own parents is proof enough that romantic love does last.
But I am going to stick with the only kind of love I know. It’s not necessarily always neat and pretty. It is rarely fairytale, but every princess has to start somewhere and she usually starts with this first.
I am talking about the love of a best friend. The love that comes from days spent jumping on the trampoline doing the … and peeing our pants laughing so hard. Love that comes from so many Little Debbie Zebra Cakes it makes my metabolism shudder as I speak. Love that comes from birthday parties spent riding together, skating together, sitting together, spending the night together- you get the picture- we were inseparable. Love that comes from a strong, confident 7th-grade best friend who will always sacrifice her hott dance partner to get me out of the girl’s locker room and find some poor soul to dance with me (I’m being nice to myself because that happened until freshmen-year homecoming). I always knew they would only dance with me because maybe Kelli would dance with them next… Love that comes from laughter and good times, and love that's overwhelmingly mutual.
But it wouldn’t be love without the hard times too. So I hope you never have to, but understand you inevitably will face love that comes only from the humblest of circumstances and most broken of hearts. Love that unselfishly comforts one when she doesn’t make the dance team despite that the other did. Love that comes from disappointment by a midnight phone call with a pitiful excuse of why he changed his mind resulting in a sweet, broken-hearted girl fallen on my doorstep, who only my dad can pick up and carry to my room.
Jay, at the time of heartbreak and myworldisover, I didn’t understand why.
Looking at you two now, and your commitment to Kelli, I never have to question whether you’ll change your mind. You’re here to stay like a true friend. If I had truly wanted to, I couldn’t have designed someone using a paint by numbers kit more fit for Kelli… You’re not perfect. You’re her compliment.
So new best friend, I have advice: Embrace one of Kelli’s most admirable qualities, and the quality I have found most precious: loyalty. Since 1st grade, her loyalty has only strengthened. Even when it hurts her, she’ll stick by your side and defend you. It works well for you because she’s rarely wrong, but she’ll even defend you if you both know what you’re doing or saying is absolutely wrong.
Now, I’m going to read this letter I wrote at the end of 8th grade for this very day:
Kelli, You are and have been since 1st grade my other half. I have always been terrified of this day because it ends with me giving you to someone else to complete him and be his better half. You’ll clean his room and make him sugar cookies with icing and sprinkles. You’ll make him the happiest person alive because he’s whole now. I am still so scared and anxious, not for myself, but for you! You’re going to really do this (like sleep in a bed with a boy)! But your maturity has yet to let me down, and I’m excited for us both to learn through this.
Fill in the Blank.. JAY, I can’t think of a better friend or man I’d rather give my other half too (and the better half at that). Remember, you don’t deserve love and neither do I, but we have a Father who has graciously given love to us with one requirement: we give it back. So, all I ask is that you love her with the love that never fails and forgives even though we know she’ll never do anything worth needing forgiveness.
I am a little embarrassed to admit it, but I’m so jealous. I’m jealous of you Jay because you now get my best friend as yours. Love her despite and inspite of yourself. But I trust you because she wouldn’t keep you if you weren’t worth it…
When you get frustrated or she gets frustrated, remember she has that old best friend who loved her first but gladly gave her to you as your best friend.
I now toast to the love of youth and mine and Kelli’s fairytale: the love of best friends.
Happy early Valentine's Day... You shall hear my six pence (none the richer) soon enough.
If the draw-dropping list of talented actors in this movie wasn't enough... and when has Julia Roberts or Bradley Cooper not been enough... You were probably laughing out loud at the other half of the 1:31 trailer.
If you weren't, get a Zoloft and book your Fandango ticket now for this movie because I'm convinced it'll cheer you right up.
Since the first Valentine's Day was celebrated, commercial America, Hallmark cards and Beanie Babies have nobly tried to season the other half of the crowd, the single crowd, with sugar and spice appropriate for this bittersweet holiday.
They try to make us fat with chocolates, sentimental with George Straight and Seal songs or hopeful with Father of the Bride marathons...
The best is when Hollywood succeeds at making all the single ladies and gents waiting to get a ring on it appreciate our season of singleness. (Thankfully, it's not Hollywood's job to make us thankful for this God-ordained time, but I am nonetheless grateful when Hollywood throws me a bone)
Best contribution on this day: laughter.
When laughing, Beyonce's crowd isn't excluded but included on this blissful February 14. Excluded is the way I feel having to watch the train-wreck effect of two young lovers making out on my charming walking campus... Stop that by the way.
I strongly dislike when people refer to Valentine's Day as Single's Awareness Day. It makes them sound bitter, and who is attracted to bitter people? Well, probably other bitter people, which is just an ugly cycle.
Back to our Valentine's Day plans... laughing.
Since when did dinner and a movie become roped off as couples only? We could all do it together. Come on. It'll be fun. We'll sneak a box of Hot Tamales and a Dasani into the theater and laugh the night away.
The single's crew is revamping V. Day this year.
Depending on which work out video you got yourself for Christmas- Pussy Cat Dolls, Dancing with the Stars' ABs or any of the Wii Fit options- we should be looking toned by Feb. 14, 2010. It'll be more than a month after we made resolutions to loose # pounds, run once a week and skip the fries at Chick-fil-A. We will be in good spirits with the amount of successful relationships eHarmony is cranking out, and we have a reason to laugh.
This Valentine's Day, I echo John Mayer... I'm perfectly lonely, and I'm laughing loudly.
