Everything GUYS need to know...

Outtakes make me want to do this show... Courtesy of Hulu

...can be learned by watching a season of The Bachelorette with us ladies.

If you know me, you know that since high school, I center my life around (God...), but admittedly, The Bachelorette/Bachelor.

My heart broke for Trista, who was my pick, in Season 1, but I fell in love with Ryan during her season... I sat through that magical yet gosh-awful-Pepto-Bismol-pink wedding where unity candles burned ugly scars in my memory, and nobody but me remembers it was hosted by the guy Trista didn't pick, Charlie! How awkward would Mel have felt conducting the wedding of Molly and Jason? Talk about stormy.literally. If I were her and they made me host that rainy production, I would have worn a belly shirt because the chica's got abs...

Anywho.

A good great friend, Joe, told my other great best friend, Bec, if any guy wanted to know the best way to her heart, he should just watch The Bachelorette with her.

It's true.

We watch one hour late, so we can fast forward through commercials. We're strict about minimal talking during the show and rewind if we miss anything or need to see an awkward boob graze again. With all that, we ladies still tend to commentate every hit or miss of CCC or Roberto or Heather Whitestone, I mean, Kasey.

So if you're looking to know about the ladies and have no plans on Monday nights, watch the show with us. Planning on coming or not, here are some things you can learn about ladies from watching The Bachelortte/Bachelor:

1. Girls love it when you say something right before you kiss them.

Ex) You know it girls: Cape Cod Chris is King of this move. "Cuss, you're cute." "You know I love you." He has mastered timing...

2. If you ever wonder if we wanted to dance in the middle of the street, the answer is always YES. If you can dance like Roberto or not, we don't care to be completely honest...

3. My fam is anywhere near picture perfect, but we're dang funny and ceaselessly loving. Those things overcome how odd we can be. BUT If your dad has a taxidermy business in your basement-Kirk, or your mother is a Looney Tune-Naomi, you should prolly opt to meet in a safe spot like Waffle House where the characters around you will make your fam seem tame. Or go on a fam date to a movie at an Imax because you won't have to talk, and you know it'll rock.

4. If you think you still have feelings for a past gf, you should A. get over it B. not go on national TV on a reality show about finding love. That's selfish and immature... skip the coughing under my breath and flat out say-Frank (why i oughta...)

5. If you think your break up was bad, it could always be worse. You could get a tattoo of a pulsing heart with a chick's name you've known for a few weeks and the slogan "guard your heart" all to get left on a glacier while she rides off in a helicopter with a guy who's nick name is Rated-R (who you find out later had 2 girl friends he was probably texting from that helicopter).

You might learn a few more lessons when I make my debut on the show. My mom has submitted me behind my back. I know it...

IHateGreenBeans by Lincee made me cry I was laughing so hard about the season...

Circumstances... You don't want to answer my prayer?

Listening to another podcast from the Austin Stone Community Church, Matt Carter said, "Did you ever think that maybe God won't change your circumstance because He wants to change YOU?"

Why, of course I have never thought of that because my view of myself is so ridiculously good looking.

Circumstance 1:

The scripture is John 9.

Short version: Jesus makes clay and makes the blind man see. Pharisees jump all over this because it was the Sabbath, and they claim this was labor. Default, Jesus is a sinner (for healing a blind man? pretty positive 'no work on Sabbath' was intended to mean don't make your kids mow the grass or fold laundry on Sunday-not quite... but it's def OK for Jesus to heal a blind guy any day He wants to). Pharisees ask him not once but three times why can he see now and is Jesus a known sinner. After questioning his parents for crying out loud, he said,

"Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." John 9:25

He's been surprisingly collective up til now. I start to sense a little sarcasm here though...

They say, 'We're disciples of Moses, but have it your way, if you want to be his disciple.' In their most LiLo-Mean-Girls voice they add, 'You know, God spoke to Moses. I don't know where this Jesus character came from.'

Now, the keep-calm-and-carry-on attitude just flew out the window, and the once-blind-but-now-he-sees man says,

"Why, this is an amazing thing! You do not know where he comes from, and yet he opened my eyes.
We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.
Never since the world began has it been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a man born blind.
If this man were not from God, he could do nothing." John 9:30-33

Circumstance 2:

Now, don't go thinking, how in the world don't these pharisees get it? Jesus's own disciples who would have been tagged in most of his Fbook pics and been a fan of the Jesus page had Al Gore and Steve Jobs been around said something similar after Jesus's resurrection. They look at the man who they know to be Savior and Messiah before He ascends to HEAVEN and ask him, "Are you going to restore the kingdom of God to Israel now?"

What a bunch of nincompoops. He 's not going to Happy Hour at Sonic. He's going to Heaven because He just restored the kingdom!

He restored it in ME. in You. in ALL who will believe for Pete's sake-o that was punny.

Jesus responds in Acts 1:7,

"And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power."

Our circumstance (me interpreting Matt Carter):

God, my life is hard right now. What do I do?

David is a great place to start. Ask to be bailed out just like he did... Because I'm God's daughter, He wants to love me and dust the dirt off my J.Crew skirt. But if he says, "No..." to my pleading, I must cling to the Word, and you guessed it, wait.

Psalm 86:11 "...unite my heart to fear Your name."

Be changed.

Jesus was single... Hello

I listen to podcasts like old, rich ladies play card games at my country club: seriously, socially, privately and often.

Recently, I listened to a podcast by Matt Carter from the Austin Stone Community Church on singleness.

It made me laugh, think and pray deeply about my condition. And no I don't mean the poor-pathetic-hook-me-up-with-your-sinlge-good-looking-friend-who-comes-from-a-great-family condition. I mean Paul and yes, let it rock your mind, JESUS'S condition.

He said singleness secures an undistracted devotion to the Lord.

I mean, Jesus was total man and total God here on Earth. He could have had his pick of any fine dame, and he CHOSE singleness. I mean, He literally could have said, "Let there be light. Let there be a white picket fence. Let there be a red Golden Retriever named Jake. Let there be a hot girl to make me chicken parmesan with a side of summer squash, and we'll make some wine from water together."-if you know what I mean in more than one sense of the analogy

Paul talks mainly ab sex up until here... Then he just gets all personal and says he wishes everyone was single. (He talks ab fellas first, but I cut that bc let's face it, I'm in this part. Go look it up here).

"I would like you to be free from concern... An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35

If Paul were to have Toomer's Coffee with me today, this verse would look more like this:

"When you are single, you can buy minimal groceries, one pair of shoes, one outfit, travel for cheap (if you'd sell that blast-it, gas guzzling Tahoe) and give all the rest to fund your friends in Campus Crusade and Grace Campus in China or sponsor Tim Tebow's dad's orphanages in South America.

And talk about 'All my single ladies put your hands up.' Have you looked at your prayer life now that you're a prayer Beyonce? It's not about anybody or yourself, but it's devoted to the Lord's will because we all know you have no idea what you're doing with your hott-mess of a life. Besides, you never remember to clean the coffee pot, and any husband would get annoyed with that quick. Then you'd be all worried and turn into Martha on me, and all that leads away from the cross."

Instead, Carter urges us to set our sights and start sprinting to the cross. He says every now and then to look around, if there is someone on the right or left to run with, marry him. But don't slow down or take a detour...

I mean, have I not mentioned I run daily already? Now, I have that calorie counter on the treadmill and Nike ID iPod attachment motivating me, but much more importantly, I have Christ in sight.

This is what we look like when we start considering our condition as leprosy or athlete's foot instead of a beautiful season...
All Single Ladies Gone Wrong... painfully wrong.

Always a bridesmaid... and getting good at it

Celebrating the bride at MCC for bridesmaid luncheon. Eating charm cake by Cake Designs

Goin' to the chapel.

Rocking out bridesmaids. Making up the bride.

Reading her note from Mark. Putting the finishing touches on the bride.

Glowing on the trolley ride to the reception

He had his eye on her since fourth grade. She agreed to "go out" with him in sixth, and they started dating in tenth.

He's studying seminary and working as a student minister in Montgomery, and she's starting her second year in pharmacy school in Auburn.

It's not perfect, but it's dang close...

Now, we all know, I'm no relationship expert, but I am perceptive. I've seen enough wonderful and disastrous relationships to know what works and what doesn't and what surprises everyone.

Here is my breakdown: There are three types of relationships.

1. Lovers- These love birds can't keep their hands off each other. They may be complete opposites or as I'd like to say "compliments," but they're differences or similarities don't matter because their love for each runs deeper.

Ex) Edward and Bella... hate to use pop references, but who doesn't see the picture when I paint it with this example

2. Best friends- They love to spend all their time together. They match, and I don't mean jack and jill outfits. Their personalities match. They usually have been dating the longest of the three. The comfort and security in each other comes from a deep, unwavering trust.

Ex) Britty and Mark

3. Partners- They work apart, but they work better together. A bit of this comes with years of marriage and figuring out the kinks, but this kind of relationship is based on patience and understanding. The two may be compliments or twins, but they rely on the other for support, care, driver service and dinner.

Ex) Taxi mom and working dad

One is not better than the other. It's not like my parents, partners til death, would say they'd change their dynamic and sacrifice their 30-year marriage to be more like best friends.

All relationships experience ups and downs, but depending on which relationship you are will determine how you deal with the unexpected.

Very rarely a couple comes along that is the perfect combination of all three...

The celebration of that couple is coming Sept. 4 in Franklin, Tenn. Get excited. I'm wearing boots IN the wedding.

Meet Katie and Jordan.

If my new job doesn't work out, I have a ballin back-up plan. I'm a for hire MOH/bridesmaid. I am great at bachelorette party planning, make up, hair dos and my uber talented mother comes with me. Package deal. Call, text, comment, e-mail, gchat or fbook me for rates. The longer we've been friends, the better the deal.

This is when my mother and father would laugh at my naivety and tell me to go on a stinking date and stop analyzing every little detail or I'm not going to have any of the three and I'm going to settle for a dog, cat or some one-sided relationship such as a love for As Seen on TV kitchenware...

King of Anything

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Have you taken your humble pill today... Happy Monday

Intriguing...

I write like
Vladimir Nabokov

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I thought all you Bloggers might want to discover who you write like... Don't exactly know this guy personally or academically well, but I might go to Amazon or the AU Public library and check him out.
He must like to write about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness intertwined with boys, growing pains, movie characters, Justin Bieber, Glee, God and pop culture if we're so similar.
Can't imagine anyone named Vladimir writes/wrote about adventures of being a blogsmaid, but who am I to judge?
Who do you write like?
Find out HERE

The one thing that stays the same is change itself...

Recently, there have been some changes in my life.

Again.

A change of mind. Heart. Whatever.

But it's another change nonetheless.

When reading Search for God Knows What by Donald Miller, I read something that subtly changed my mind about the beauty of change. Turns out, it's not as hurtful or horrible as I thought.

He challenges people like me who micromanage life by following this fine formula or steps as a way to organize and conquer their life.

The ugly, harsh, beautiful, humble truth: there is no formula. If there was, Jesus would have given it to us...

"I bring this up only because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a few steps is rather silly.

The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and

they are always changing.

I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us to not rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love." -donald miller

Umm... If this was Twitter I would simply trend: #humbled #smallmindedness

All I want to do is love God, love His creation and follow His commandments. Why do I still miss the Big picture when my intentions are sincere?

I think I found my answer in His answer to my never ceasing prayer. I pray that God will be obvious to me because obviously I love to be blind and deaf.

And in this prayer, I found that God is being obvious not through some sign or apparation (though I'd love to have one of those mirrors in Harry Potter that would show me the true desire of my heart/life path). He is being obvious to me in His grace.

God is letting me change my mind about my future, and His grace is so sufficient that it'll cover me where ever I go.

So bring it life... because I'm not scared of change anymore. My Nike IDs, Tory Burch flats and cowgirl boots are ready for the million steps that don't promise success or happiness, but total dependence on Him.